


Saintly Suspicions

by Wonderloner



Category: Saints Row
Genre: F/M, Humor, Implied Past Gat/Boss, Implied Relationships, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 00:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2831645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderloner/pseuds/Wonderloner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: How The Saints Came To The Realization That The Boss And Gat Are Probably Banging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saintly Suspicions

It was a pretty average day for the Saints, considering that an average day for them now consisted of Go Fish on a spaceship. “Got any threes?” Matt Miller asked the two other people at the table. “Go fish,” replied Shaundi and Pierce. “Doncha ever get tired of playing that game?” Gat asked from the other side of the bridge. “Yeah, that’s when we switch to Texas Hold ‘Em,” Shaundi said, examining her hand.  
The doors slid open and the Boss came sauntering in. “Hey Johnny, got a minute? There are a couple things that need your attention,” she requested, clapping Gat on the shoulder. “Sure thing, Boss,” the gangster followed the Boss out of the room. Pierce watched the two badasses leave and pondered something. “Y’all ever wonder what the Boss and Gat do when they disappear like that?” “I dunno, shoot pool?” Shaundi suggested. “Fine-tune the ship?” Matt piped up.  
“Maybe, maybe, but what if they’re, you know…” Pierce made some lewd gestures with his hands. “What?” “You think they’re shagging?” Matt chuckled. “It’s just a theory, but it’d make sense.” “How so?”  
“Well, for one, they’ve known each other for years, long enough for a romance to blossom.” “Pierce, I hate to break it to you, but sex and romance aren’t the same thing. Trust me, I know,” Shaundi countered.  
“Whatever. Secondly, they’re always giving each other this puppy-dog look when they think nobody’s payin’ attention,” Pierce argued. “How can you tell? Gat’s always wearing sunglasses!” Matt questioned. “You haven’t known Gat long enough. I can just tell.”  
“I gotta be honest, Pierce, these all sound like cheap romance novel clichés,” Shaundi said, waving off the allegations. “Well…” Matt tapped his chin thoughtfully, “He may be onto something, actually. I noticed something odd when I was doing the laundry. The Boss’s suit smelled a lot like Gat’s hair gel.”  
“Why did you smell the Boss’s suit?”  
“Why do you know what Gat’s hair gel smells like?”  
“Not important!”

It was much later, and the Boss had returned and plugged into the simulation, when Pierce decided to resume the debate.  
“Hey, Kinzie!” Pierce addressed the hacker currently sitting at the main computer.  
“What?”  
“You ever think about the Boss and Gat bangin’?”  
“…I’m not sure how to respond to that.”  
“No, I mean, do you think they are?” Shaundi entered the room. “I don’t know, that’s their business, not mine,” Kinzie answered.  
“God, are you still on that Boss and Gat thing? Look, they’re two consenting adults,” Shaundi jumped into the conversation. “’Adults’ would imply they had any sort of maturity,” Kinzie said. “Okay, here’s another question. What would the Boss and Gat having sex even be like?” was the question Pierce put forth. “Are we seriously having this conversation?” Shaundi questioned. “They’d probably break something,” Kinzie stated. “They’d probably do it during a car chase,” Pierce theorized. “Guys, really?”  
“What’s got your panties in a twist, Shaundi?” “Look, this is between the Boss and Johnny, it’s none of our business. If they were having sex, they’d tell us. Besides, we don’t really have any proof!” “I did hear the Boss and Gat giggling about something the other day,” Kinzie piped up. “Well, c’mon then. Spill!” “I didn’t catch much of it. The Boss was saying something about eight inches being right or whatever.”  
“What does that mean?”  
“Well, I know what it could mean…” said Pierce with a knowing glance. “Yeah, I think we all know what it could mean,” Kinzie said.  
“What what could mean?” was Gat’s question as he suddenly strode into the room. “Nothing!” the other three answered too quickly. “Okay. Boss needs a little help in the simulation, so I’m just gonna go back her up.” With that, Gat situated himself in one of the harnesses and entered the simulation. The room was filled with silence for a while, which was broken by a statement from Pierce:  
“I still think those two are fuckin’.”

Later, when nearly everyone was scattered about the ship doing their own thing, was when Shaundi decided to just ask the Boss and Gat if they were hooking up. She had been mulling over the conversation with Pierce when she realized that this wasn’t high school and that they were all grown-ass adults who could just discuss this. So she wandered the ship to find the Boss and Gat until she heard the Boss’s voice down in the cargo bay and followed it.  
“C’mon Boss, take ‘em out.” She paused at the sound of Gat’s voice coming from around the corner. “Oh yeah, I’ve been wantin’ to hold those all day…” Shaundi elected to hang back and listen to the conversation. Not that she was snooping or anything…  
“Damn, Johnny, it’s bigger than I imagined!”  
“Yeah, been savin’ it just for you.”  
“Come on, put it in!”  
“Nngh…won’t…fit!”  
Shaundi finally gave in and peeked into the other room at the Boss and Gat’s escapades. “Are you sure it’s the right size ammo, Johnny?” the Boss asked, holding the huge alien gun Gat was attempting to load. “I coulda sworn it was, but it looks like this ain’t fittin’!” was his reply. Shaundi paused for a moment, contemplating the fact that she had let something Pierce said get to her head like some idiot in a sitcom. She turned around and left, shaking her head in dismay. Like hell she was going to let him know about this.

“You know, for the one of the biggest badasses around, you get pretty ticklish,” mused the Boss as she lay naked and entwined with Gat on the rec room couch. “Well, for one of the most powerful people in the galaxy, you’re pretty eager to please in the sack,” responded Gat, which earned him a chuckle and a light punch on the arm. “I don’t hear you complaining.” “No, you do not. How’d you get so flexible, anyway?” “Pilates, man. Pierce swears by it.”  
“Hey, speakin’ of Pierce, you notice him acting kinda weird lately?”  
“Yeah, Shaundi too. They’re always whispering to each other and acting jumpy.”  
“You think something’s goin’ on between them?”  
“I dunno, maybe. We should keep an eye on them. But first, uh, we should probably get dressed before someone walks in and gets an eyeful of that tattoo I got that one time in Vegas.”  
“That was a weird trip.” “I’ll say. Hand me my suit, will you?” “Sure thing, Boss.” The lovers quickly got dressed and walked out of the room together.  
“Man, that trip to Vegas was somethin’ else. Think that little, uh, video we made was still in the old crib in Stillwater before Earth got blown up?” “Not sure. Someone might’ve thrown it away or something.” “That’s a shame. Would’ve been a good reminder of simpler times. Of when we were just two drunken idiots havin’ at each other instead of two survivors of the human race havin’ at each other.” “And of when I owned that red thong?” “Well yeah, that too,” Gat admitted with a cocky smile on his face. “Well, I know of at least one thing I have from back then,” the Boss said.  
“What’s that?”  
“You.”


End file.
